Pictureby June Yarham http://www.flickr.com/photos/junibears/

What can gifts say about me and the one gifting or giving?  

Is it really more noble to give than to receive? 

Do gifts come with fine print and clauses? 

Must I trust to receive? 

Recently, I've received various gifts. The gesture of gifting me brought up some questions about trust, vulnerability, humility and expectations. 

In this post I am sharing what 'gifts mean' and what they reveal. 

Pictureby Alicia Bernal http://www.flickr.com/photos/thepoetisin/
Gifts are thoughtful expressions of our generous heart.  Gifts can reveal our heart's status at a given moment as well as our frame of mind.

To me the value of the gift is in the spirit in which it is given. 

The spirit of generosity is a gesture that feels authentic and warm.  

The spirit of receiving is a gesture of openness and trust.  

Very different from a spirit of pity and mistrust. 

In a world that says there is no such thing as a free lunch, trusting gifts don't have strings attached is not easy.

What is filled with fine print and clauses is a form of protection, of mistrust.  That is of the egoic mind, that protects it's agenda or identity.  

My heart does not need protection, so it does not need clauses and does its best not to look for fine print.   

Pictureby BK symphony of love
Is giving more noble than receiving?

While giving is generous and gives us joy, receiving reveals our humility and vulnerability.  

It has been challenging to reveal that I am currently without a car and that I am slowly saving for it.  It has meant letting myself be seen in need and admitting to myself why things are as they are. 

Gifts reveal my ability to receive love. 

If we can receive, then we can give.  But, if we cannot receive, then, we cannot give.  We cannot give what we cannot receive.  

Like the land that receives nourishment from the sun and rain, we too need to receive to then give back.  

Giving and receiving is like our breath, it is beyond belief and effort. Effortlessly, we breathe in and out.  We don't have to think about breathing nor grasp air.  Giving and receiving is beyond beliefs. 

Pictureby Vincent Brown http://www.flickr.com/photos/vintuitive/
Giving and receiving is about Love.  Love is a frequency we tune into to.  
Love as a belief never suffices no matter how beautiful our beliefs.

Love as a belief means we will 'take gifts,' while dismissing their value and source.  

We come to expect things because of beliefs.  

I've witnessed simple gifts being overlooked even though they were heartfelt and revealed I had thought of that person.  

Pictureby BK symphony of love http://www.flickr.com/photos/pictoquotes/
Gifts are meant to be embraced, shared and passed on accordingly.

Gifts are everywhere if we are in the moment.  

Life is always gifting us. 

The simplicity of my existence is a most precious gift.  

I honor Life's love by receiving more openly. 

Receiving means I feel worthy. 

And why deprive another of the joy of giving? 

Irrespective of financial wealth, I feel grateful for my heart is generous and open to receiving. 

How different it would be if we passed on gifts and shared in the abundance of the resources of our planet.  

How wonderful if we found a way to "gift" and share in the spirit of generosity, collaboration and love.

Pictureby Bk symphony of love
When was the last time you gifted someone because they came to mind ?

Do you trust enough to receive gifts and love? 

How vulnerable are you when you receive love?

How do you take love for granted?

Have you truly noticed the many ways Life gifts you?

Pictureby Leda Carter http://www.flickr.com/photos/leda_carter/
I've experienced arms that held me, but didn't feel me. 

I call it being in heart-empty arms.   

The feeling of being in heart-empty arms is like being held by the wind.

There is nothing to lean into.  There isn't much comfort in such arms.  While I rather be hugged or held by heart--open arms, I understand heart -empty arms because I'v been there. 

Emotions like sorrow, grief, anger, and fear impede the free flow of love so we cannot hold others.  

I'm grateful for experiencing empty embraces as I get the connection desired is more than skin deep, more than a warm body next to us.  I get how much tenderness can come through caring-gentle touch and holding.

I'm glad to hear when someone I've held has shared they truly felt held.  

Pictureby Elizabeth Anne http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizabethannephotography/
My sensitivity to touch heightened because growing up there were contradictions in what I witnessed as loving versus what LOVE actually is.  

When we've been held to meet others' needs, but, also seemed to receive love, naturally we become confused about what love feels like.  

My parent's held me to the extent they had experienced love.  I held my mom more than she held me which set me up to love more than to receive love. 

It is no surprise I became challenged in matters of  "love."  

As an attractive female I've questioned whether men could really hold me without strings attached.  As womyn we may struggle with being shown love for sex versus sex being a part of love.   

Real love can be overlooked easily because of our confusion.  Confusion is in the mind. The body knows the truth. 

The confusion lessens by contrasting embraces.  

Pictureby Brad Fults http://www.flickr.com/photos/h3h/
When we find love-filled arms, it is so precious.  We can safely melt.  

It is why hugs can be quite revealing.  Hugs express openness to being felt and receiving love.  It is felt as warmth and care. 

Loving arms reach the spaces in between that need holding.  They wordlessly say "you've been strong long enough...melt...let it out." 

It is a sweet surrender letting ourselves be held in love. 

It is selfless to hold another without expectation or strings attached. 

Pictureby Celestine Chua http://www.flickr.com/photos/celestinechua/
It is an act of kindness to hold another and a brave act to let ourselves be held.  No words are required just a surrender of our pain.   

How beautiful that our arms can wrap around each other to hold one another.  

Arms wrapped around us encourage us to release what we are carrying.   It is why as humans we were given tears to release hurts.  Tears melt our pain. 

Unreleased pain creates a storm.  The storm passes if we can cry and hold ourselves or allow others to hold us.  

While my heart is open, I detox it often of emotion's that cloud love's experience.  It is necessary in today's world where so many walk around with a hardened heart.  

Clouds in our heart are a part of being human.  When released they lighten and brighten us.  

The world needs each of us to release our hurts, to hold each other for a brighter and lighter tomorrow. 


  • Human arms were given to us to 'hold' one another.
  • Human tears were given to us to "melt" the hurts in our hearts. 
  • Melt-in arms are safe loving arms.
  • Love can't be understood because sometimes what we've experienced as love often has not been.  
  • Melting the hardened parts of our heart means surrendering the pain. 
  • Hugs reveal openness to being felt and receiving love. 
  • A brighter world through more wordless holding.  

When was the last time you just communicated through tender touch and affectionate embrace?

Dedicated to all those needing more tender caring touch. 
And to those of us who have not found strong arms to hold us. 

Pictureby Daniel Rocal http://www.flickr.com/photos/alcalaenfotos/
What heals emotional scars?

Emotional-scars are unmet needs of childhood. 

Emotional-scars don't just fade with time or solutions!  

Emotional scars remain and need empathy. 

I've had to experience non-empathic responses to appreciate when I've received empathy. 

Empathic responses do not: 

1. Advise 
2. Educate, explain or evaluate
3. Fix 
4  Minimize or discount
5. Pity or sympathize 
6. Reveal their story
7. Take blame 

How do I know these are non-empathic responses? 

My negative feelings tell me.    

How do I know when I've been offered empathy?

It is simple.  I feel felt.  

For the 7 key points about this post scroll to the bottom please. 

Pictureby Botgirl Quest http://www.flickr.com/photos/botgirlq/
To feel felt is such a gift.  Empathy is a gift of love.

I have a friend who is able to really be present for me, who does not judge me nor try to fix me.  If she does advice it is after she has held space for me to express freely.  I treasure her. 

Being felt means someone has been present to us.  They gave us their attention as we bared our scars. They didn't run or judge the scar.  Instead, connection was made by them being attuned to our needs

When our needs are met we experience positive feelings.  When our needs are not met we experience negative feelings. 

When I feel sadness I know there's been an exchange, but, no connection, warmth, or care arising from it.  

When I experience warmth and care I feel grateful and know there has been connection.

Pictureby Botgirl Quest
When I share deeply and the response seems so unattuned to me, I sigh....

The response lacked what I needed: empathy.  

When I feel rejected, unheard, or misunderstood I can become quiet. Sometimes my breathing becomes shallow.  It is then, I know a deep emotional scar has been touched. 

I cannot know how another will respond especially when I don't know them well.  But, even when I know them, their response may not be the one I hope for. 


I myself am not always attuned to my own needs because we live in a busy world.  Of course, the more aware of my needs I am, the more I can ask for what I need.  The more I ask for what I need, the more I increase the possibility of my needs being met.  
The more needs are met, the happier I am.  The opposite is true as well.  

Non-empathic responses make me sad.  I feel sad that my need for connection and understanding goes unmet.  

When the sadness is deeper, often it means they are unmet childhood needs.  I take time to mourn those emotional-scars, so I can meet them in the present.  

When an exchange lacks caring, my sadness runs more than surface deep as it creates dissonance in my belief in humanity.  So I let my tears flow. 

Mourning needs or emotional scars is how I take responsibility for my feelings and how I care for myself. (Self-empathy)

The mourning process has been necessary to see beyond the scars.  If I don't mourn the emotional scars, their memories remain charged.  

Pictureby serenidadnyc http://www.flickr.com/photos/serenidadnyc/
What remains charged can make me reactive.  Unless I am aware I will react without knowing the true intention of another.  

If I cannot see beyond my scars I will want to hide them and isolate. 

Either way there is little growth or healing if our emotional scars remain charged or if we cannot see beyond them.  

Often we want to hide emotional scars believing they make us less attractive.  Hiding scars doesn't give anyone a chance to see how human we are, much less a chance for someone to gift us empathy. 

We mean well as humans.  We are just not very versed in the language of empathy.  We've forgotten to connect to our heart to connect to others.  

I have to remind myself that I wouldn't know who is empathic unless I took a risk.  

Pictureby Stuart Williams http://www.flickr.com/photos/viamoi/
To risk is better than not to. 

Risk is part of being human.  The more I risk, the greater I increase my chances of being felt.   If I can drop expectations, the freer I am and the quicker I bounce back to being happy. 

Happiness comes from the quality of our relationships.  The quality depends on how much we connect from our heart.  It is why emotional scars aren't to be hidden.  They can bring us closer. 

We can share our scars like they are beauty marks because they are

They reveal needs that went unmet.  They reveal how resilient we are.   

Sometimes, we have to give others a chance to see our scars so they can understand us, because we both need it.  We need to give the gift of empathy and we need to receive it.  

Key points:

1. Empathy is not about what I do, but about connecting. 

2. If "I" feel felt, I've been given the gift of empathy.

3. Positive feelings tell me -my needs are being met.

4. NO ONE CAN BE ATTUNED TO ME ALL THE TIME but I can tune in to myself (self-empathy)

5. Mourning the unmet needs of childhood frees me to meet my needs in the present 

6. We have to risk revealing our emotional scars to know who can be empathic 

7. Emotional scars offer us an opportunity to connect from our hearts so we can nurture and support one another

Do you know what emotional scars remain charged for you?  

How do you give empathy?

What's your empathic challenge as in how is it tough to be there for someone? (see list of non-empathic responses) 
Pictureby vipez http://www.flickr.com/photos/vipez/
The power of an empath is more than feeling others?  

Feeling others is a gift. 

Understanding others is powerful. 

This post is about being an empath and how that 'gift' can go unused or turn on us and how to be a more skilled empath in a world that needs so much compassion and deep understanding. 

In this post I distinguish between compassion and empathy and the necessity of boundaries to be skilled empaths. 

I am mastering being an empath.   I'm finding the balance between feeling deeply, sometimes intensely and safeguarding my sensitive heart.  

What is an empath?  Someone whose feeling sensory is heightened to the degree of psychically tuning into the emotional experience of others be it persons, animals and/or places.   

Pictureby LadyGeekTV http://www.flickr.com/photos/89012755@N05/
My journey has shown me that being an empath doesn't automatically make me empathic.  I know because many times I've been unable to convey empathy.  

Empathy is being able to put ourselves in the shoe's of the one experiencing pain or suffering.  It involves some imagination along with strong feeling for the sufferer's perspective. 

Empathy offers a space for emotions to flow freely and safely. 

Offering a safe space free of mental chatter and solutions can be a tall order in today's world of rampant non-compassionate dialogue and quick solutions. 

The difference between empathy and compassion is the degree of understanding.  

Compassion is feeling concern for another who is suffering or in painwithout sharing the intensity of the sufferer’s experience.  

Compassion is a universal language as it does not require verbal skill just basic understanding of common human experiences. 

No words must be offered to convey basic understanding or compassion.   Sometimes, our presence conveys understanding.  Sometimes, just listening is enough.  And sometimes what we ask reveals our desire to understand more deeply or empathy.  

Pictureby Cri Cristina http://www.flickr.com/photos/cricristina/
How does an empath's gift turn against self? 

Without boundaries we cannot care with also hurting ourselves. 

Feeling others stuff can be very painful when our boundaries are poor and our need to control is so alive.  

I am still in the process of learning to feel 'their pain' without wanting to change it.  It's challenging to detach from wanting to make it better when I feel those I care about in so much pain.  

Feeling for others wont' heal them. 

Boundaries means I understand what is mine or what it is within my territory to change and trusting others to take care of themselves. 

I can only heal myself by feeling my heart wounds.  

I'm learning to master being an empath through self-care, self-compassion, and self-empathy.  Yes, I am turning these gifts on myself. 

Pictureby Frank Balsinger http://www.flickr.com/photos/arsskeptica/
Self-care means I take time to discern my feelings from others and to be clear on what I can control or change and what must be surrendered.  

I must be willing to feel before I arrive at true understanding.    

Feeling without having to change or do anything allows stillness to emerge.  In stillness, deeper understanding emerges about my wounds.  However, arriving at stillness has meant plunging into emotions anything but pretty!

Self-compassion allows me to sit with the unpretty or dark emotions. 

Pictureby Porsche Brosseau http://www.flickr.com/photos/porsche-linn/
Without basic understanding (compassion) we cannot move to deeper understanding.

To feel others makes us empaths, but, to feel others without understanding them is not giving the gift!  

The power of the gift of understanding is that it is healing. 

To deeply understand, we need to take time to feel our wounds without rushing.  Rushing means we postpone feeling the depth of our wound and our healing.  

Healing comes from feeling understood. 

As inhabitants of planet earth we need to give ourselves the gift of compassion to pass it on or offer it to others.  

If we share our wounds, we reveal our humanness.  If we can be witnesses of the scars of our wounds, then, we can see the resiliency of the human spirit which is the beauty of our journey. 

The world needs compassion to move to greater empathy.  

Summary Points from a recovering empath: 

  1. The difference between compassion and empathy is the level of understanding from basic to deep. 
  2. Just because one is an empath, doesn't mean we automatically use our gift to be empathic. 
  3. Poor boundaries make it confusing to know my feelings from others and what is mine to control and what is not. 
  4. Empathy offers a safe space to express emotions free of solutions and mental chatter.
  5. To gift deep understanding is to give deep healing or love.
  6. A skilled empath fosters boundaries through self-care and turns the gift on self before passing the gift to others.   
  7. Compassion is a universal language as it conveys basic understanding of feelings and can build to deeper understanding or empathy. 

Can you imagine others suffering and how that can help us relate to one another in more compassionate ways?  

Are you brave enough to gift yourself and others with deep understanding (empathy)?  And if so why?

Test your empathy and compassion

Can I allow others space to be when they show me -their not so pretty side?  

Do I give my 'not so wonderful aspects' understanding? 

Being an empath in a world that is inconsistently caring and hostile is challenging. 

Gifting understanding is deeply powerful as it is healing the wounds of humanity.
--Monica Espinoza

Picturebu Jacob Munk-Stander http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacobms/
Is it true, is it me or is it their projection?

Perhaps, it is both, afterall our minds are mirrors to each other. 

Recently, I was bewildered by the experiences with a couple of people in my life.  

I was confused by what was being said, what I know about myself and the history of the relationships. 

When there is incongruence, it is natural to be puzzled.   

This post is about spotting projections & what to do with hostilities that arise from them.  If you want the summary scroll down for the 7 key points. 

In one instance, a friend made a case against me for being "too honest and at the same time not honest enough."   In my friend's perspective- my honesty was essentially impolite.  It was a way to deflect attention from his feelings.  Which is why he tried to gather evidence against me.  In the moment, I remained defenseless as there was nothing to defend.   

I allowed myself time to be with my thoughts and feelings.  I made it a priority to understand what had happened for the sake of the two of us. What was key for me was being aware of my visceral response.  I was picking up his feelings more than he was feeling himself.  I had to recognize what was mine and what wasn't.  

Being honest is a choice.  

I choose to share my deep feelings with those who are able to hold space for me.  With some people like my father, who struggles with being emotionally available,  I do not share my feelings.  It is not that I am dishonest, it is my way of taking care of myself.  When I've shared my emotions, he has often labeled me as 'too sensitive,' which leaves me feeling criticized and my need for empathy goes unmet.  Neither of us wins as my dad gets frustrated with my sensitivity.  

With my friend, it didn't seem that my need for understanding would be met by being emotionally intimate.  My option was still to share my honest thoughts.  His response told me that I shouldn't be so honest.  It implied that I needed to change to accommodate him, so I let him know he wanted a 'watered down version of myself.'  

Honesty is not everyone's cup of tea.  

Pictureby Andrey http://www.flickr.com/photos/insanephotoholic/
Honesty is hard to digest.  

It can trigger hostility. 

That was the case with my sister.  I didn't remain defenseless.  A wound was touched.  I voiced frustration.  I fueled the voice of attack.  The punishment has been hostile silence and having minimal time with my nephew.

It is tremendously challenging to have buttons pushed and to simply let what is said pass through.  

The pass through is not about accepting hostile looks or words, but, recognizing that every hostility or verbal attack is a cover up for deep hurt.  That understanding makes it possible to see the other as a human being who has been deeply hurt- so much that they lash out.  That awareness and understanding puts us on equal footing.  

We've all been hurt -so we can relate.  

Pictureby Sophia Louise http://www.flickr.com/photos/sophiadphotography/
The truth can be uncomfortable, but, it is kind to be honest.  

There was some truth to what my sister said.  I realized later what nerve she struck.  

Honesty is necessary in addressing hurt and projections.  

In some cases being honest is not safe, intuitively, we must assess the situation.  When it is safe to confront, honesty is an act of kindness.  

However, our world has taught us that politeness is better than honesty. Well, choosing politeness is not always kind, as it may avoid the truth.  It says that we think the other is not capable of handling the honest truth.  It is like pretending there is no issue. 

Pretending there is no problem or issue is unkind.  In the long run denying our true feelings is unsustainable.  Tolerance will give out and our true feelings come out.  If we don't express our truth, our body will express it somehow.   We develop a red eye, a sore throat, an itch, our face breaks out, we get a headache, etc. 

While honesty may not be comfortable or easy, it takes less effort than pretending!  Energy must be expended in resisting the truth. 

We are built to tell the truth.  Our body has a visceral response that speaks the truth.  That is how lie detectors work.  Our body is a lie detector. 

Our body experiences relief by being transparent as their is no fiction to uphold.

Pictureby Sara -Rose http://www.flickr.com/photos/oh_darling/

I'm learning the importance of tact when I am honest. 

Tact is vital to honesty.  
Without tact our hand can be bitten even when we've spoken truth. 

I have to be emotionally in tune to respect what is true for me, while expressing it and acknowledging that I have no control over how another responds.  Their response is their choice and about them. 

Sometimes, we just have to remove ourselves from interacting with someone with whom a win seems so challenging.   

It is hard to win when there is little or no emotional awareness. 

Without emotional awareness we are constantly reactive.  Emotional intelligence arises from our emotional awareness. 

Emotional intelligence tells me, if it is safe to voice truth and to say it with tact.  Arguments or power struggles may still arise.  It is wise and kind to disengage power struggles with silence.  Often that stirs anger in the one wanting control as it is a sign of disrespect. 

Silence allows the wisdom of the heart to emerge.  What surfaces is compassion.  Compassion is a basic understanding of the common human experience of hurt.   Understanding self and others is kind.  

Honesty is kind.  Honesty has only one face: truth. 

I strive for honesty, but, I am not perfect.  That is okay, I am human.  I like and accept myself as I am.  

Pictureby BK Symphony of Love http://www.flickr.com/photos/pictoquotes/
To summarize, projections and hostilities can be addressed by  7 key points:

1. Awareness of visceral reactions or our body's lie detector
is key to spotting hurts and projections.

2. Assessing the moment as safe to confront or to simply allow the hostility to pass through is being unresistant to what is.  Amidst turmoil, a space of quiet is kind or we must remove ourselves from aggression. 

3.  Being honest with ourselves is being vulnerable in the moment.  With another it may require space from each other to discern our thoughts and feelings.

4.  Clarity of what is ours and what is theirs, allow us to act according to the truth of the moment.

5. Emotional intelligence allows us to take care of ourselves, assessing when it is safe to be honest and to express it with tact so that the integrity of all involved results in a win. 

6.  Remembering that hostility is a cover up for deep hurt disarms us. 

7.  Honesty is necessary for compassion with self and others.

"You can trust yourself to know what is true for you personally!  Telling the truth will always bring about a sensation of relief because your heart is set free in the moment that you tell the truth (your heart will move forward); even if the truth isn't necessarily something that you perceive as positive.  If you say something that is not the truth for you  personally, your heart is imprisoned in the moment you tell the non-truth (your heart will retreat); and it will bring about a feeling of resistance within you." - Teal Scott

 "Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable,  be honest and transparent anyway." - Mother Theresa
Pictureby Dave Russo http://www.flickr.com/photos/davezombiee/
We are dishonest to protect ourselves.  

We want to feel safe.

We want to be transparent- it is how we are wired. 

As human beings we conceal what may harm us.  It is that simple.  

No one likes to lie or be lied to.  

We've learned to conceal or be dishonest rather than be transparent to avoid being judged, shamed, and ultimately condemned.  

Out of love I've taken blame since I was a child.  It became my default to take responsibility for what was not mine. I've taken the fall to keep others from having to take responsibility for their hurtful actions.  It is one way my love has expressed itself. For a long time, I let myself be robbed of my joy. 

It is challenging to feel safe in a world that punishes us and makes us wrong for it.   We've been burned for telling our truth.  Womyn throughout history have been burned for expressing their truth living in a male dominated world. 

How can we feel safe to be transparent? 

Pictureby essie http://www.flickr.com/photos/64148767@N00/
The thing is, that being transparent, requires that I feel safe within myself. 

Feeling safe within myself means that no matter what response or reaction I get from others for expressing myself as I am, that I trust I can take care of myself.   

In some ways I have been naive in hoping that others would respond from their heart to my vulnerability.  
Not everyone does or will.  

It is very sad that some of the world can be insensitive to displays of vulnerability.  It is unfortunate that transparency has been made something to avoid and reject.  

Vulnerability and transparency are feminine aspects wanting to be honored. 

The truth is that even when the world does not honor the beauty of vulnerability and transparency, internally we can honor it!

Honoring my truth including my vulnerability as a strength, fosters a sense of safety within.  

As I feel safe within myself, then, the world's reaction matters less.  The more I feel safe within, the less challenging it is to reveal myself. 

Pictureby Virgina Guard Public Affairs http://www.flickr.com/photos/vaguardpao/
How can we feel safe in a world that often doesn't seem safe? 

The reaction of the world to my vulnerability is out of my control.  

My response in my internal world is how I choose to honor my heart and my whole experience as a human being.  

So long as I have a heart that is wounded, I will experience some degree of hurt.  The world is giving me an opportunity to heal my heart wounds.  

It is inevitable to experience hurt on earth.  If we were heartless, then, perhaps we would not experience any hurts.  

Emotional wounds are just a sign of being human.  Emotional wounding reveals a human whose been through quite a bit of pain.  

As human beings we are all capable of hurting and being hurt.  So there is no point in making a judgment or shaming others for hurting me or others.  

Pictureby Christina Saint Marche http://www.flickr.com/photos/saintmarche/
It takes great bravery to act in alignment with what we feel in our heart.   

It is so easy to run from the feelings by going into thoughts. 

It is so easy to fight our feelings by blaming others.  

It is so easy to hide our feelings by projecting onto others. 

We hide to protect our wounds.  

We can always forgive ourselves for needing to hide.  It just means it was too painful to expose ourselves.  We have our own timing.  Time is our best friend if we are patient.

Time allows us to detach from the intensity of the wound.  

Taking time out of the external world, helps me to have greater clarity so I can learn from my heart wounds.  I learn from both wounds I've caused others and those I perceived brought on by others. 

So when my wounds are are touched, I do my best not to avoid them in some way.  They'll show up again anyway.  Those wounds are old perceptions or stories ready to heal in the present.  Maybe the stories don't have to be retold to heal, but, they do surface to be healed.  

Pictureby Olivia Alcock http://www.flickr.com/photos/oliviaalcock/
While vulnerability is a strength, we still struggle.  

It can be a struggle because confidence is what is valued not doubts. 

Having it together is what is rewarded not coming undone.  

Righting wrongs is justified. 

Forgiveness also reveals vulnerability. 

I can make apologies and accept apologies.  

It is risky to expose wounds!   We would do well in applauding ourselves for being brave to be ourselves.  The world cannot consistently value transparency and vulnerability.  Let's be it anyway.  

The more I honor the hurt, as love in my heart, the more safe I feel to expose myself.  

Protecting myself too often has only led to feeling isolated.  

Protecting ourselves won't create a safe world.  

Safety in the world is not created by speaking our minds without tact.  

Safety is created by exposing our wounds to ourselves and to others. 

Thank goodness we share the world with others.  Some will hurt us to help us heal old wounds.  We will hurt some to help them heal.  When we heal enough, we are more conscious of not causing hurt in the same way. 

It is why we need to build caring networks around us until we unite as true fellow travelers and transformers of our world. 

We are imperfect humans, but love is patient.  

I am reminding myself that 'my love' gives me 'a sense of safety' that allows me to step out into a world that needs so much love.

Do you think safety is cultivated from within? 

Is transparency truly possible without a sense of safety within?

What if our wounds keep us from feeling safe -even when we are? 
Pictureby Jose Manuel Rios Valiente http://www.flickr.com/photos/josemanuelerre/

Unseen but not unfelt. 

Unassuming but not unheard. 

Every stroke a mark of affection. 


i captivate your heart!

i arouse your imagination!

Pictureby Steph Hurst http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephhurst/
Non-excavated find? 

So ready to be expressed.

Undeniably convinced to reveal.  

Willingly unrobed...

Sensual and deep. 

Pictureby cea+ http://www.flickr.com/photos/centralasian/
Flawed and know's it.

Quite honest.  

Enoble grace to animate transformation.

Nurturing harmony.

Subtly powerful yet evocatively bold. 

Provoking the intellect.

Unmasking daringly ... 

Reminding and advocating....

Pictureby DannyGetz
Sweet and generous. 

Compassionately divergent. 

A poetic one i am.

Voicing my truth as i evolve...! 

My presence felt in each written line.

You may say i am a voice of Love.

Dedicated to writers of Love and truth!

Pictureby Neil Carey http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrbultitude/
Ever felt invisible and unheard?

I wanted to say so much.

I kept so much to myself.

I denied myself to others.

Others could not understand me.

A muddled voice?

Pictureby Ly. H. http://www.flickr.com/photos/lylo0u/
Others could not hear me or see me.

How could they see me if I was not revealing myself.

How could they know me when I was not vulnerable.

Without knowing the real me, they would leave.... 

Without emotional integrity, they saw me as only sensitive to myself.

No peace or contentment without congruency of my being. 

Pictureby Keliah Angelis http://www.flickr.com/photos/60548799@N08/
Wanting to be seen and heard....

Yet, expressing little to avoid criticism....

Seeking approval and acceptance that never filled me long enough.

Unaccepting of myself!?!

Tossed by currents of incessant thoughts and emotional uncertainty...

I was a muddled voice...

lost in an uncrowded stage of unconformity.

Afraid to be me?!

Pictureby Patty http://c6.staticflickr.com/1/41/82369509_bff69f03cc.jpg


tolerance gave out. 

I was no longer willing to tolerate being invisible!

I uncensored my thoughts and took a risk to be judged.

Risked being seen and heard.

Realized that what mattered was accepting myself. 

Acceptance of myself a most precious gift of Love. 

I took a risk to be me.

Loving myself as is, opened me up to love others as they are. 

Never unfelt voice!

Always a felt heart.
Dedicated to the beautiful unheard hearts. 
Pictureby mizmareck htts://www.flickr.com/photos/missmareck/
I...have a price tag?

Always strings attached.

Always a hidden catch...to "free."

Always "fine print" just too long to read.

Always a price to pay.  

Never quite "free of charge."

Never quite satisfied. 

Never quite accomplished.

Never quite happy. 

Never a statement of true worth.

Pictureby TheHighCalling http://www.flickr.com/photos/the-high-calling/
Oh, what is the price of our happy existence?

Too busy to know....

Too driven to show we've made it.

Too exhausted to show we care.

Too burdened by - having to make a living.

Too sick to enjoy, once we get there...?

It's the cost of a transaction based economy.

Pictureby Steven Depolo http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevendepolo/

All that would make 'me' happy perfectly packaged and marketed.  The golden box of dream deceit.

Sold on the notion of freedom and happiness. 

Twisted notions of liberty and success. 

Oh, how clear it is now!

The dominant society's notions of success are never free.

Never ending embellished lies.

Pictureby Lefteris Heretakis http://www.flickr.com/photos/heretakis/

So hard to trust in a world of calculated transactions...

So used to -- how it's been....

So consumed by void promises...

So unconsolable to conceive another way...

Pictureby Chris Piascik http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrispiascik/
Oh, don't fool yourself...!

There's a price to pay for mainstream happiness and success.

Oh, yes bitter wake up. 

Our survival depends on an abstract notion.  The pursuit of happiness and success is sold!?

Isn't what makes us happy -- free?

Doesn't true happiness come from love?

Isn't love free!?!

Pictureby emily 792872 http://www.flickr.com/photos/53355749@N03/
Isn't happiness a success in today's world?

Oh, perplexing human existence. 

I want to understand....

What is my existence really about? 

If it is about Love, then may I love without holding back.  If it is about enjoying my existence, may I live without hesitation.  If it is about making dreams a reality, then may I do so without hurting anyone.  If it is- all this and more, may I have the courage to live the truth of my existence.

So far what I know about the truth of my existence is that it isn't necessary to chase dreams or accumulate stuff to love and be happy.     

Pictureby Derrick Nguyen http://www.flickr.com/photos/daclicker/
Oh, cruel bubble bursting reality. 

Chasing dreams keeps the packaged deceit going.  

The packaged deceit is an abstract notion.  Nothing more than a piece of paper. 

A piece of paper we hope for and sweat over. 

Servants of a piece of paper?

Burdened by having to 'make a living.' 

Price tag of my existence!?!

Pictureby Jeffrey http://www.flickr.com/photos/jb912/
Goodness all I need for my existence is abundant and free on this planet.  

Yet, I must earn a living?

Earn my living so I can continue to exist. 

Exist to compete with the civilized.

Civilized who wear down mother earth.  Civilized who hoard resources and maim and exterminate....

Maybe it is just about how we distribute what is freely given....

That abstract notion, cannot end suffering nor purchase happiness. 

If we could end suffering with that abstract notion,
wouldn't we have by now?!?

Pictureby Steven Depolo
You care, right?  

If not, what's your price-tag to care? 

You can't pay me to not care!

True freedom cannot be bought.

Truth cannot be bought.  

Faith and God cannot be bought. 

Love cannot be bought. 

Love doesn't have a price tag nor should my existence!

Pictureby Duchess Flux http://www.flickr.com/photos/47217049@N05/
What is the victory of heartbreak?

Why does our heart seem to break?

Our heart breaks not just because we have loved, but because we had an attachment to that love.

It is natural and part of being a human being.

Sometimes our passage forward appears halted by things we cannot readily discern.  

Old wounds, patterns, and fears of an uncertain future anchor the present in the past or future.  

If we have become well versed in various self-help techniques or tend to overanalyze we won't really understand our heart-break.  I know this has been my experience.  I didn’t always discern my visceral experience.  I made choices that felt less anxiety provoking. 

We naturally want to speed up our healing but we stall it by by not being with what is alive in us, deep hurt.  What was most loving to myself was to simply realize that I needed to work at my heart's pace. 

The truth is that we still move-on, even when it does not seem like it. 

Why?   Life is a powerful force that does not stop.  We simply resist to engage life fully.  Eventually, we get it.  

Pictureby BK Symphony of Love http://www.flickr.com/photos/pictoquotes/
The anchor is:

our needs attached to the beloved we are no longer with. 

Our needs are natural, however, one person cannot meet all our needs, nor is to be expected. 

To release the anchor, we must be emotionally self-aware of the anchor.  

With emotional-awareness what releases the anchor is:

1-  our ability to respond to our needs and 

2-  our choice to let go of outcomes.  

Often easier said than done.  

We have to be honest about what needs we've given up to the beloved or anyone we have experienced heartbreak with.  And be willing to meet our needs.  We are worth the emotional-work. 

We embrace that there is a rupture with our beloved and it may be permanent and it may not. 

We simply take our time to heal and let go of regret or anything that is not loving to our self.  

Our beloved is free to be where they want and need to be and that is how we love them through the rupture. 

Pictureby BK Symphony of Love
Without our awareness, we do not set sail.  

We may obsess about getting get back together and neglect our deeper needs. 

The anchor offers a false sense of security that keeps us from setting sail.  

Life is patiently there wanting us to meet ...

If we can take the focus off our self even a little, we will see that the view is changing.  

Life is happening...

At first, releasing the attachment is the most terrifying thing we may do.  It hurts, so we may anchor again because we have not understood how we attached our needs to the beloved.   I know I've been there. 

Even if we move-on to someone else, we will attach our needs to that new lover.  It is why "moving-on" is not the victory of recovering from a breakup or heartbreak. 

Pictureby BK Symphony of Love
Attaching our needs to one person is a sure way to be unhappy in any relationship.  

We come to expect from them what we need to do for ourselves. 

When we have greater understanding of our attachment then we consciously make a choice to be brave and let go.  

The reward of letting go is that we set sail as the winds shift.  

At first it may be too slow or too fast but that is okay.  We begin to trust the waters of life.  We move along renewed by meeting our needs which is self-loving.

We meet life as is; that is a victory.

The victory of our heart breaking is having loved.  

The victory of recovering from heartbreak isn't just moving-on, but, loving ourselves a little more. 

The victory of moving-on from heartbreak is being free to anchor and set sail at our pace. 

We can anchor in our love and set sail in our deeper love.  

Life is a journey of loving and being loved in the vast ocean of Love.

How do you feel  about your most recent heartbreak?  

What do you think is the victory of your most recent recovery from a breakup? 

by BK Symphony of Love

Dedicated to the self-broken hearted.
Much love to you
with my whole being