Wanting to get there sooner than later?
Rushing can delay desires, dreams, hopes, and visions…
When I was only a girl, I wanted to be 12 already
A part of me knowing or anticipating….
Anticipating when I might unravel my gifts….
Still very true even now as a woman - I often want to move faster into tomorrow
Rushing keeps me from living in the moment
Rushing does not speed up the growth process
Rushing anything seems counterintuitive
Wanting to hurry my growth- has slowed it
Rushing has delayed me from fully learning lessons
I admit I have been stubborn
Stubborn to hear….things I needed to hear
Stubborn to learn from being so hard on myself
Stubborn to hear that ¨I want, what I want when I want it¨
Stubborn to acknowledge the gifts, the love and being wholeheartedly grateful
Blinded and brought to my knees by past hurt
Deaf by my unwillingness to hear about my disowned parts
Maimed by my unwillingness to forgive
Now, I am willing to see what I had not wanted to see
Able and willing to be more honest with myself
I am willing to move step by step in the direction of my dreams
Before I can leap, I may crawl... and maybe it does not have to be a struggle
I am willing to be patient to persevere
It has been too easy to stay in the known, to fool myself....
I admit I have been stubborn to my own detriment
I admit how being so hard on myself has worked against me
I admit I have been a harsh judge and critic
I admit I can still be a captive of my rebellious dominion
I am willing to express transparently where I am
I am willing to be more present with what is….
I have struggled to just go with the flow
I have rebelled against myself
Tears of gratitude for my willingness to be more honest
More honest about where I really am
I am still scared....
Scared to let go and trust the flow...
Scared of failing
Aware that I need to move in the direction of my fears
Fear that I do not have what it really takes to make it
Fear of taking responsibility having been overly responsible before my time
Fear of being rejected...
Fear of not being good enough
Now, also fear that the thread of my life is running out and that I have yet to share my gifts.
The world would go on...but could it be better if I shared myself without hesitation?
A life lived in fear is a life half-lived
Tears at the thought that I might let my life go unfulfilled
Where am I?
Sometimes I think of the past and of the future
Sometimes the past comes up…wanting to be healed
I am happiest when I am ¨in the now¨
I am unhappy with what I have created thus far
Does this mean I am unhappy ?
I have moments of bordering bliss and moments of the opposite...
I am ready to up shift -knowing I can then help create a new world…
Optimistically happy in my heart
Am I ready for a smoother ride?
I am ready to be the passenger...enjoying the ride
Passenger -neglecting to take charge?
Certainly not, it means I am very willing to allow love to flow….
I want and need to be picked up on this God ride
So, I admit my fears and how I feel as my pick up station
I feel scared I will want to take over the wheel and gears
And yet, I fear the alternative more
To continue to try to control is resistance that I feel in my body
My mind and heart are not yet aligned
All that I tried to control didn’t do any better with my help
It was not loving to anyone to control what was not for me to control
With self-empathy and compassion- I see where the need to control arose
My need to control arose out of chaos, frustration... and pain
Beyond understanding there is willingness to take action and just be
Resistance is there, I feel it
Being used to making things happen
Manifesting desires; only just as easily letting them slip by
Yes, I know I have control of much as well…
Yes, I have control of moving in the direction of my dreams
It seems I have to move into my fears as gateways to my dreams
I admit I have been cowardly and lacked integrity…
Self-doubt creeping up-- taking me away from my heart
My heart wanting to love and share what it was meant for…
My heart honestly saying: I have not prioritized my life in the last few years
At times, I have taken more than given --believing it was fair
Taken, to even out- the times I felt others took so much from me...
I know better now, that I came in desiring to love without expecting much
My joy was in loving only I was not allowed to be me
Still, I loved as best as I was able -until one day as many do --
I decided to give love... to get love
I unconsciously believed I had to earn love
I am willing to be patient and master my lessons
Eager to share my gifts most lovingly...
Wisely aware that I have deceived myself …
¨Wants¨ distract me from my true ¨needs¨
Sometimes distracted by my desire to find a loving partner
Distracted by my desire to have fun and make up for lost years
Wanting to be free yet resisting all that would truly free me!
My need for purpose calling me….!
I am willing to focus my efforts on a life lived with purpose
I am willing to remain open to anything
Stubborn and all, I believe I will recognize synchronicities as well as distractions
Will it be a joy ride or a smooth ride?
I have no idea
I am just willing to relax more
Be a loving Presence...
Willing to see what happens and experience the fullness of my heart
Are you clear on what distracts you from reaching your dreams?
Are you moving with the flow or resisting the flow?
What is the flow?