Can I be with what is alive in me right now, even if it does not feel like the truth?
To avoid the current reality is to dishonor what is alive for me now.
What is alive for me now?
The thoughts of wasted time or lost time. Regrets of decisions made without full determination.
Questioning my decisions, second guessing, regretting, what does all of this do to me right now?
Right now, second guessing myself can bring me down. I loose focus on writing the book.
What kind of writing would you (I) do?
I guess right now, maybe more mental writing. Maybe not, I suppose I have to try and see what happens.
Is this not helpful, to express, what is alive, right now?
It is. It does empower me.
How does expressing what is alive for me now, empower me?
Yes, authentic. It is vulnerable, intimate, open, honest and kind.
Yes, it is. It just feels kind. I cannot describe it, but, it feels kind.
What is alive in me, empowers me!
What is alive in me feels raw. Being with the "raw me" is "being" with the “me,” that needs me.
The ‘me,” that is unchanging? My inner child, maybe. It does not matter what I call it.
They, my thoughts and feelings are not the absolute or ultimate truth.
I remind myself that as the sadness or any other painful feeling arises, that my mind will tell me those feelings may be too much. Says who?
Who says it is too much for “me,” to allow myself to feel the heartbreak?
“My thinking,” has told me the pain would be too much. I believed it would be and so it has seemed so. But, am I, not here safe...loved and able to love?
And by heartbreak, I do not just mean romantic heartbreak.
Heartbreak as in the wholeness and essence of the beauty of the heart.
I feel sadness, grief, gratitude, love, calm.
My face is showing last week's worry over my finances and the unspoken hurt turned into anger….
My body seems to be releasing toxins through my skin. I no longer feel angry so my skin is healing.
What is the evidence of the Truth...of my thoughts and feelings?
I worried about my finances and I am grateful, that I reminded myself of the opportunity to re-surrender just as I had upon waking in the hospital last September.
I told myself that worrying would do nothing positive. Initially, I felt bad that my faith was poor. That was a judgement and hey I'm human! I further told myself, that for this moment it was out of my hands and that walking and getting some sunlight would be relaxing.
Just before, heading downstairs for my walk I opened the mail and there was the answer to my prayer. God, sent me money by way of short term disability. It is not easy to get short term disability and I had applied just recently. I was/am grateful and walk in gratitude in my thoughts and from my heart.
The truth about my unexpressed feelings is that I will have a chance to express my hurt in the moment over and over, be it with my sister who is set on being resentful and unforgiving and taking it out on me or with anyone else.
I remind myself that the Universe sends me more of what I have gratitude for or what I allow even if it dishonors me. I pray to have courage to feel and express in the moment what is alive for me. I pray to be gentle on myself, if I am unable to recognize my feelings in the moment, or do not voice my feelings.
Yes, God in me has my back. I just have to remind myself when I start to forget.
Having awareness the past few days that, when I don’t catch myself judging myself, I feel it in my body as shoulder aches, etc.
I thought I "should"be writing the book and it "should" be heart based quality.
Then, another voice said, and how about just feeling?
And a further voice said, how about neither of those and just allowing what is alive to flow?
One, will make me do and another will have me be….
Only if I stay with the feelings too long, I may not do much.
So, if I can find the balance within to be true to what is alive in me and my intentions then,
I feel and move with more ease and I live more authentically.
A lighter me, willing to be with the current reality and trusting the unfoldment of life and love.
The truth is in the moments as well. Why? Because the Truth cannot be changed so it is always there.
The truth is obvious, when I am present to what is.
The love emerges in all of me, in my thoughts, warmth, voice,....
The truth is always in me (you, us).
Truly, can I just relax and trust that my highest good is and always is within me, moving me, encouraging me, or just holding me until I am ready….?
Can InJOY my ride as Life/God/Universe, Spirit takes me?
P.S. I just expanded on this post in my own writings and that too is part of the book!
Note: If you my readers are feeling happy, joyful and fulfilled may you abide there honestly and with lots of heart and humanity for anyone who is not.