Have I loved myself enough to….?
Reveal myself as I really am.
Live in the Truth of my heart.
Live in alignment and with integrity.
Deeply want to be free of the past and of knowing my future.
To reveal myself as I really am, means to love myself wholeheartedly or unconditionally.
I'm doing my best to reveal myself to myself, as I really am.
In unison with the Autumn season, I am willing to let go...!
I began writing this around the time of Yom Kippur. Not coincidentally, from the little I know, it is the holiest day when we are closest to God and we are forgiven.
It is as if we touch the divine and grieve as a humanity.
This too, I have been doing. I have been grieving for the love, that I have resisted, that is my own divine Love.
Like all things, the willingness to forgive and trust our ability to let go begins with ourselves.
Yes, I forgive myself for the times, when I caused heartache and did not know better or even when I did.
Whatever I ever did, I was ultimately really doing -to us all.
With this awareness, I begin to slow down and be more mindful of my thoughts, words, actions and inactions.
In the past, it was pretty challenging to forgive myself and others. I struggled with wanting to and not being able to forgive.
Being unable to forgive myself, meant that in a way, I felt "I was unforgivable."
The reverse also held true. What was done to me, was not forgivable by “me.”
Even, when I believed in an all loving and forgiving God, I could not bring myself to genuinely release fault in myself.
I realized that my inability to forgive, somehow meant, I thought I was above Source or God.
That is when I knew I needed to do major work. I really needed to be fully committed to my inner work.
With compassion, I see, I just needed a little more time to look deeper.
Upon waking in the hospital,
I saw my dad walk towards me, heard him say in spanish that he was sorry for having been so hard on me....
I nodded “no,” and said “nothing to forgive.” I was a bit surprised by my words, but, feeling serene I Immediately knew my written intentions were blossoming. I felt gratitude and continue to remind myself to be grateful.
In spanish there are so many variations of the word forgive. “Perdon,” means to take blame. “Lo siento,” is being sorry by taking ownership and also expresses empathy for the other. Disculpame,” says ‘forgive me,” as a request.
Regardless of language, the vibration of love is what carries truth.
It is our heartfelt intention that is understood beyond words.
How the apology is received, however, is out of my control.
One can only hope that there is a willingness to forgive.
Forgiveness is about letting go of being a judge.
Forgiveness is our head vowing to our heart.
In forgiving, there is an ease an grace in allowing our heart to do what it knows best.
It is so beautiful to release oneself of non-love as unforgiveness.
Feels lighter, yet, the weight of understanding carries great weight.
I have learned the greater purpose in the lessons in forgiveness.
The sad part to me -is seeing someone you love being unable to forgive.
I see how they hold themselves imprisoned, perhaps thinking they are punishing me.
After years of holding myself imprisoned, I understand the pain of denying love.
I allow myself to shed tears for the wounds that run deep through us, as we return to the beauty of our heart and humanity.
Tears, once again remind me of the interconnection of it all. To get rain, the water condenses in the clouds and has to become heavy enough to fall to Earth. Just as our emotions become heavy enough, that, we feel our heart drop, break and so burst into tears. Our tears cleanse us, just as rainfall renews Mother earth.
Our ability to feel from the heart is the beauty of our humanity.
While most of us do not intend to hurt one another, we often do, when, we do not listen to the voice of our heart.
Too often we are unconscious of the deeper reasons for our behavior.
As I have personally learned, forgiveness is genuinely a first step in any serious person’s desire for personal development, spiritual path and/or pursuit of deeper love, authentic happiness and power.
If “i”cannot forgive myself, then, I cannot honestly forgive anyone else.
Forgiveness is about letting myself be free of condemnation to really love myself as I am.
It is as Jesus Christ said:
“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”
Ultimately, forgiveness is an act of self-love and humanity.
Can I slow down this Autumn season with a deep intention to be a loving presence more than accomplishing or doing?
Am I willing to review my life thus far and set my intention on living my life fully with all my heart, right here and from this moment on?
How easily do I forgive? And is there a deeper lesson?
Have I loved myself enough to forgive what seems unforgivable?