True love doesn't see with the eyes. The heart trusts what is unseen.
It is not guided purely by the senses as that would be more along the lines of lust. True love is pure and flowing. It is felt deeply.
Since love is felt, it is invisible, yet a powerful presence.
Love is a light dance in an exaggerated dance floor of perception.
Trust is the lightness....
Present and palpable by it's poise and certainty.
It is a very honest and thoughtful dance.
It is spontaneous yet consistent.
Because it trusts, it lets go….
Love always catches us and sets us free at will.
Either way, true love always trusts.
Do you believe trust is earned overtime?
Do you trust regardless of how long you’ve known someone?
Do you need some proof from the other in order to trust?
Is it enough to trust myself?
In some ways we are both heroes and villains in our own life stories. We create fantasies and misfortune in our lives and at the same time hold the power to rescue ourselves from the confusion or illusion....
Sometimes, within the confusion we try hard to figure out who is worthy of our trust. Why must trust require so much effort? Can it just be common sense or a sixth sense?
All I need is to trust the Universe, God, others and myself and I’ll be fine, right?
Well, it's become simple to overlook the moments of true connection with self and others.
These days our senses are so bombarded through technology that our ability to discern anything including “connection” can be compromised.
We miss sliding door moments by not being fully present and truly committed to what matters most....
You can also find the link to Brene Brown's “Anatomy of trust,” talk from Super Soul Sunday at the end of this post.
Here are the components of trust in summary from the book "Rising Strong" by Brene Brown:
B – Boundaries. You respect my boundaries and when you are not clear about what’s OK and what’s not OK, you ask. You are willing to say no.
R – Reliability. You do what you say you’ll do. At work this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so that you don’t over-promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.
A – Accountability. You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
V – Vault. You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept and that you are not sharing with me information about other people that should be confidential.
I – Integrity. You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.
N – Non-judgment. I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.
G – Generosity. You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and actions of others.
How can I truly thrive or enjoy life when I am unable to trust and rely on myself and others?
Without trust my existence lacks vitality.
Vitality comes from love.
Love harbored with trust makes us feel infinitely gifted.
Love may make us infinite... yet as human beings limits are loving.
Boundaries uphold trust.
The area of boundaries isn’t always so simple especially across cultures. For me, boundaries are about respect and fully disclosed or clarity. As I look back, I see moments when it was challenging to say when something was not comfortable to me. It takes true self-love and courage to voice ourselves. I feel gratitude for the times when unclear boundaries invited me to trust myself. As I continue with my self-love practice and journey, it is more natural and spontaneous for me to express my needs and desires. It starts with respecting and honoring my own boundaries.
Sometimes it is those old habits that get overlooked....
Growing up in household where monitoring was inconsistent also meant there was no routine for going to sleep. I didn't develop good sleep hygiene as part of my self-care. Now, as a writer, I easily get caught up in my writing past my body's comfort. I'm doing my best to have good sleep hygiene while being flexible. Sometimes the flash of inspiration arises unexpectedly in the middle of the night.
If I cannot honor and respect my own boundaries, then, it is possible to dishonor others boundaries. As I’ve learned, it may not be that “I” want to be disrespectful as much as my own habit of being inconsistent with my own boundaries blurring me.
Trust requires reliability. It means I can rely on myself to do what I say even when no one else knows about it.
As I write my book, I am aware of the 'inconsistency' in my writing since I first had the idea. Sure, life has happened but my unreliability, has taken a bite out of my self-integrity and trust in myself.
While I keep up with this blog, I am mindful of the importance of being reliable with writing the book. This blog helps me to hold myself accountable.
Reliability goes hand in hand with accountability, the “a” in braving it.
Reliability ushers in confidence.
These days I’m holding myself more accountable for things I set out to do as well as for when I fall short. I can own when I have missed the mark. I can apologize when needed and make amends if possible. What is not possible to undo is sharing what others' hold in confidence. The “v” in braving is being a vault.
Confidentiality is sacred.
I hold what you share with me and I can ask and hope you hold in confidence what I share with you. There is another side to this vault. In our relationship I see that you acknowledge other's confidentiality or do not share others’ stories and you see me do the same. Brene Brown points out, that talking about others can be a way to hotwire connection or what she calls counterfeit trust. I had to really look back and see how well I have done on this. There were times when I was not in alignment or integrity with my inner morals and what I did. I’m happy to say that I cherish and honor what is shared with me and value those in my life who do the same.
Integrity is very self-loving.
It is about practicing values and not just professing them. I have to admit this made me reflect on times when I thought I held up on the integrity frontier.
I have not always chosen “right” over easy. In my last relationship I opted out of the uncommitted relationship by phone rather than in person. I didn’t plan on ending the relationship and some could say that perhaps he did not deserve more from me. Still, I believe in treating others as I want to be treated. I acted intuitively and somewhat impulsively, however, planning such matters is important as it leaves less room for second-guessing one's decision later. Had I planned to change the status of the relationship, it would have challenged me to be vulnerable face to face. I learned a lesson by not being clear with my intentions. This brings up non- judgement or the “n” in braving it.
Being able to ask for help without fearing judgment by self or others is trust.
It is much easier to give help than it is to receive it.
When we are the helper, there is value derived from it. It puts the helper in a superior position.
When I am the one helped, I receive value.
But, what if I cannot ask for help because it makes me think less of myself? That means I am judging myself. And what I do to myself I likely do to others.
As I reflected, I thought of the people in my circle that I tend to respect. It is precisely those folks that I respect that I tend to trust. When I hear someone ask for help, it makes me see their humility and humanity. It is those qualities that help me to feel that they can be trusted. Of course, we all make mistakes and make judgments as human beings. So this brings me to the “g” in braving which is generosity.
Trust is on a continuum of kindness.
Generosity in trust means I make a generous assumption, give the benefit of doubt or check things out before making a poor assumption. How can I trust anyone who doesn’t give me the benefit of doubt? If I am too rigid in my expectations, then I am simply perfectionistic and likely to be disappointed. I must be generous in my expectations of myself in order for me to trust myself. I am more likely to make favorable assumptions of others when I am able to be generous with myself.
Having others jump through hoops never guaranteed eternal trust. Just as undiscerning trust is foolish.
In 2015, one thing I learned is that what counts is the confidence I have in myself. Thanks to my willingness to feel my way through my emotions my philosophy on trust changed.
What matters is that rely on validating my experiences.
To become a butterfly the caterpillar digests itself. Likewise, as I digest my life, I
evolve every day.
I do think that overtime people sustain my trust or diminish it.
Sometimes, there are moments that "seem" to change my trust to 'forever' status. My wisdom reminds me, nothing unreal is threatened, so untruth is temporary.
When there is an opportunity to connect, but, we choose not to is a betrayal. A small moment when there is opportunity to build trust or the opportunity to betray is a sliding door moment.
Can I catch those sliding door moments? Well, that depends on how present I am to myself and the world around me. If I can be present, then what is left, is my ability to trust myself. I believe it is very important to trust myself as it guides my choice to trust others and make decisions.
I believe we are wired for connection and that we have everything within us to accomplish our pursuits.
The question is, am I being my own heroine or villain? Is trust creating meaning or flow in my life? If not, have I learned the tough lessons? Or why am I allowing trust to be a villain? Is it more fun to be a villain?
Certainly, the light shines bright in the dark….
In the dark unknown, is there any part of me that can trust?
Certainly, even in the dark, love does not need to see to recognize Love. It is why Love can be blind. Love and trust are felt.
I feel trust in my heart and stomach.... Not at a superficial physical and mental level but at the core of me. I notice what my body tells me. Am I relaxed, tense? All of 'me' speaks….
As for love, love it is not selective. It is all encompassing and majestic.
Love is a unique experience I hold dearly in my heart and in each crevice of my soul. Every cell is bathed in moments of Love. The memory of my cells sing and dance in joy because I love. Love goes the distance. Love leads me.... Love follows me for eternity.
You and I can trust, as we are all Love. Love expressions....
All of us artist's expressing love through our arts.
How are you cultivating trust in yourself?
Is trust a hero or a villain in your life and which are you cheering?
Link to Brene Brown's Anatomy of Trust here: