I have been vulnerable through my sharing here on this platform. And I continue to work towards maintaining my vulnerability which also means being courageous and very intimate with myself.
That said, the last few weeks it has crossed my mind that my writing is not as vulnerable as it could be. I've been in a very tranquil state of being. A
peaceful state or space doesn't seem to lend itself to producing raw personal and quality writing. Although, being tranquil doesn't mean I don't experience painful emotional moments, it does mean they pass through me much more smoothly. Pain passing through me, means I am being vulnerable and non resistant.
As I write for this blog and my book, I am interested in discovering the intersection between peacefulness and sustained vulnerability as well as creative flow and balanced living.
Why would I dare bare my soul?
I love humanity. I know in our hearts there is so much love to share with a world that is tired of living in fear. I want to lead by example and incite hearts to shine bright.
In order to be an example I am consciously transforming my life by releasing old habits and embracing more of who I am. The writer in me is inclined to bare her soul.
I’m proud of myself for demonstrating self-love when in the past I would have let those moments slip by. For instance recently, a friend made a comment that I interpreted as not being very nice. I let her know by making the observation and then she spoke her mind letting me know I am sensitive and then dismissed my feelings by saying “whatever...,” to which I felt I had to stand up for myself and say “no, not whatever, that is not very nice…”
I was glad I was vulnerable and proud I stood up for myself. I felt disappointed so I had to process it. I realized I don’t like having to stand up to a friend. It is a fairly new friendship - so we'll see what develops. It would be tempting to cutoff the relationship but I know how that feels and hopefully there is an opportunity for mutual growth and greater intimacy.
As a writer, you my reader connect to me to the extent I am open and vulnerable. As I go through my day, the temptation to go into my head when faced with a challenge is a choice. I have a choice to witness old habits and allow my heart to respond and guide me.
As I write, I recommit to voicing my heart.
I am willing to share my journey authentically while at the same time remaining true to my reserved nature.
Recently, someone asked me if I was very self-disclosing in my blog. Well, I am self-revealing, but, I am not an open book. That kind of depth only comes from getting to know me over time.
Aside from my writing, being vulnerable means being authentic and increasing the chances of connecting more deeply with others. Connection is so important as human beings and personally at this time in my life and in my incarnation as a female.
Transformation in the meantime
At this time in my life, I am committed to being a facilitator of transformation and healing. I intend to transform my life while being supportive of others in their endeavors as well. I realize to be of service I don't have to wait until I'm successful or have it all together. While we all love stories of successful transformation how we get there matters. This blog is journeying my road to success.
Moment by moment intention through water
Every morning I set an intention in my water and drink the blessings throughout my day. I ask that my water be blessed and I taste the difference in my water and in my life. I am aware that it is possible to bless our water and food when we set the intention to transmute anything less than love and harmony. Every night I hold my hands over my heart and pray in gratitude for the gift of another day.
As long as we are alive there is always something to move towards or embrace. I am embracing being single and desiring a partnership. While I would like to be in a loving and committed partnership with a loving man, I am focusing on my writing and desire to be of service in my community.
Several weeks ago I wrote about 11:11 coming up frequently for me. Symbols are to be interpreted. Initially, the correlation was to twin flames or true love, however, in numerology it is also about being in sync with our true purpose on earth.
It seems that 11:11 is the Universe assisting me in awakening to my soul’s potential and evolution. The Universe is asking me to be self-sufficient and determined.
At times his physical absence brings me to tears. I don’t know when we will meet or if I’ve met him and when we will reunite. I just know I have been courageous and willing to feel the sadness and tenderness of being on my own or alone. I have honored my soul by looking within to discern what is real and release what is illusory.
I experience duality in my desire to be united with true love.
I can see that "sensitive moments,” are bridges between duality and Oneness.
Sometimes sweet cravings are my signal that I can be more vulnerable. To cope sometimes I indulge in eating carbs and sugar. Sweet foods ease the tension of missing a partner. This tension between what is and what isn’t is a bridge between duality and Oneness. There is no point in resisting the tension. To resist 'tension' is to stress and that can lead to depression. Duality reveals where we have to evolve.
Perhaps, aligning with my soul calling precedes the unfoldment of meeting my partner. The Universe has conspired to redirect my focus on transforming my life. Thanks to my seizure last fall season, I'm still not driving, so I am socializing less. My energy and efforts are on the writing of my book and being of service in my community.
Dance of heart and mind
Ideas fill up the spaces of time and become the music in the background. Words dance in my head as if they had a life of their own. The language of my heart befriends the words in my head and their meeting seeks poetic expression.
Then, the older perfectionist charmer comes by and seeks to edit the dance of writing. His voice is familiar and says, 'you have nothing of true unique value to share with the world.' He is a protector, meaning well, so I thank him and sustain my efforts. As I do this, I hear a sweet playful voice of a younger version of me say “there is more to express if you would only be a little more brave.”
I know "a little more brave means a little more revealing.” Okay, I admit
sometimes in the midst of vulnerability I shy away and ascend to my head. When I descend to my heart, then I access something more pure and creative. Maybe I’m writing to clean house and unravel my soul yearnings. Perhaps, to unravel the muse, or force within I must keep writing even when it is far from genius.
I don't have to be a genius to enjoy life. The dance floor of life is my writer's office where I am inclined to bare my soul. I am willing to go through any lessons and heartbreak in order to complete my first book. I am willing to invite the creative muse into the crowded dance floor of evolution and development. I am willing to be with the tension of what seems like unrhythmic music and speechlessness.
In the crowded dance floor of my mind my hearts intends to manifest my deepest longings.
I am trusting that whatever emerges is there to serve a purpose. I am willing to witness any discomfort or pain brought on by my dualistic mind and world knowing it is not greater than Love.
Spring is here and with it my cells are imbued with birthing... posts that reflect my innermost truth.
I hope you find this spring season a time of rebirth and manifesting your genius in joy or in new or improved ways.
I dare you to be inclined to bare your soul!
What is necessary to rebirth your art or gifts at this time?
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