We want to feel safe.
We want to be transparent- it is how we are wired.
As human beings we conceal what may harm us. It is that simple.
No one likes to lie or be lied to.
We've learned to conceal or be dishonest rather than be transparent to avoid being judged, shamed, and ultimately condemned.
Out of love I've taken blame since I was a child. It became my default to take responsibility for what was not mine. I've taken the fall to keep others from having to take responsibility for their hurtful actions. It is one way my love has expressed itself. For a long time, I let myself be robbed of my joy.
It is challenging to feel safe in a world that punishes us and makes us wrong for it. We've been burned for telling our truth. Womyn throughout history have been burned for expressing their truth living in a male dominated world.
How can we feel safe to be transparent?
Feeling safe within myself means that no matter what response or reaction I get from others for expressing myself as I am, that I trust I can take care of myself.
In some ways I have been naive in hoping that others would respond from their heart to my vulnerability.
Not everyone does or will.
It is very sad that some of the world can be insensitive to displays of vulnerability. It is unfortunate that transparency has been made something to avoid and reject.
Vulnerability and transparency are feminine aspects wanting to be honored.
The truth is that even when the world does not honor the beauty of vulnerability and transparency, internally we can honor it!
Honoring my truth including my vulnerability as a strength, fosters a sense of safety within.
As I feel safe within myself, then, the world's reaction matters less. The more I feel safe within, the less challenging it is to reveal myself.
The reaction of the world to my vulnerability is out of my control.
My response in my internal world is how I choose to honor my heart and my whole experience as a human being.
So long as I have a heart that is wounded, I will experience some degree of hurt. The world is giving me an opportunity to heal my heart wounds.
It is inevitable to experience hurt on earth. If we were heartless, then, perhaps we would not experience any hurts.
Emotional wounds are just a sign of being human. Emotional wounding reveals a human whose been through quite a bit of pain.
As human beings we are all capable of hurting and being hurt. So there is no point in making a judgment or shaming others for hurting me or others.
It is so easy to run from the feelings by going into thoughts.
It is so easy to fight our feelings by blaming others.
It is so easy to hide our feelings by projecting onto others.
We hide to protect our wounds.
We can always forgive ourselves for needing to hide. It just means it was too painful to expose ourselves. We have our own timing. Time is our best friend if we are patient.
Time allows us to detach from the intensity of the wound.
Taking time out of the external world, helps me to have greater clarity so I can learn from my heart wounds. I learn from both wounds I've caused others and those I perceived brought on by others.
So when my wounds are are touched, I do my best not to avoid them in some way. They'll show up again anyway. Those wounds are old perceptions or stories ready to heal in the present. Maybe the stories don't have to be retold to heal, but, they do surface to be healed.
It can be a struggle because confidence is what is valued not doubts.
Having it together is what is rewarded not coming undone.
Righting wrongs is justified.
Forgiveness also reveals vulnerability.
I can make apologies and accept apologies.
It is risky to expose wounds! We would do well in applauding ourselves for being brave to be ourselves. The world cannot consistently value transparency and vulnerability. Let's be it anyway.
The more I honor the hurt, as love in my heart, the more safe I feel to expose myself.
Protecting myself too often has only led to feeling isolated.
Protecting ourselves won't create a safe world.
Safety in the world is not created by speaking our minds without tact.
Safety is created by exposing our wounds to ourselves and to others.
Thank goodness we share the world with others. Some will hurt us to help us heal old wounds. We will hurt some to help them heal. When we heal enough, we are more conscious of not causing hurt in the same way.
It is why we need to build caring networks around us until we unite as true fellow travelers and transformers of our world.
We are imperfect humans, but love is patient.
I am reminding myself that 'my love' gives me 'a sense of safety' that allows me to step out into a world that needs so much love.
Do you think safety is cultivated from within?
Is transparency truly possible without a sense of safety within?
What if our wounds keep us from feeling safe -even when we are?