Or is it that 'we' like to think that we treat others better than ourselves?
The Golden Rule:
What I do to myself, I do to others and what I do to others, I do to myself.
Because of the golden rule, I am suspicious of those who say they treat others better than themselves.
I can say many things but it is how I say things and how I behave that reveals my heart or frame of mind.
It is natural and healthy to question the integrity of self and others when words and behavior are a mis-match.
If I cannot be patient with myself, then how can I have patience with others? I cannot.
If I turn my back on others, then why shouldn't I turn my back on myself?
Everything starts with me, including the golden rule.
Before I can be patient and truly kind to others, I must be patient and kind to myself.
If I cannot be honest with myself, then I cannot be honest with others.
If I judge myself, then I judge others.
If I am forgiving of myself, then I can be forgiving of others.
If I care for myself, then I can care for others.
Sometimes I think we like the idea that we treat others better than ourselves.
In my mind it was 'good' that I had high expectations of myself. I could not see how it was detrimental to expect so much of myself. I could not understand that I was really beating myself up.
In time, I could not see how I was expecting so much from others as well.
Of course, I did not start out mentally beating up on myself. I internalized being hard on myself.
I internalized how my parents treated me.
It became second nature to be beat up on myself in attempt to avoid 'them' being hard on me. Once internalized it became hard to see how I was being hard on myself.
That is why I am suspicious when someone says they don't (fill in behavior here) others only themselves.
A truer statement is that eventually, we do to others, what we do to ourselves. Why?
Once a behavior has been internalized it is on autopilot.
I became savvy at 'saying' and 'doing' to keep from feeling the fear. The fear of failing and not being good enough....
The only way to heal is through the wound. What is internalized must be felt to heal. Initially, the wound stings. Afterward, their is relief, lightness and a subtle yet grounded sense of strength.
Healing is a collaborative process. Others can point out when I am behaving in ways that are counterproductive. However, others cannot heal me, because no one can feel my feelings for me.
The sword of the inner warrior is feeling!
So, while I may be suspicious of those who say they treat others better, I also know 'the internalized,' is a shield of defense. Remembering that how someone treats themselves is about how they were treated growing up, helps me have compassion. It never feels good to be treated unkindly, but, it is not a reflection on me.
The shield of the inner warrior is compassion.
The undesirable behaviors that are internalized are like a mirror that reveal the loveless ways we were treated when we were young children.
When I imagine others as scared children, I judge less and more compassion comes forth. Can you imagine this?
How do you FEEL when others behave in unkind ways towards themselves?
Can you trust when others treat themselves in non-compassionate ways?