“A poem needs disguises. It needs secrets. It thrives on the tension between what is said and not said; it prefers the oblique, the implied, the ironic, the suggestive; when it speaks, it wants you to lean forward a little to overhear; it wants you to understand things only years later.”
Like the poem I too needed disguises. I thought I needed them to be liked, to overcome insecurities, to feel loved. As a child it was fun playing pretend but as an adult pretending became work...
- I was happy
- I was confident
- I knew more than I did
- I was detached
- I didn’t know enough
- I had it together
- I was strong- not hurt
Like the poem tension built up within. I came to need the drama to feel alive. I had deluded myself into believing I could hide my fears and doubts even from myself. Most of all I resisted the unknown. Life unpredictable- and no one to ease the terror. No one able to soothe the need for my own heart. Instead, I believed the fears. Amidst the pain were “echoes of guidance” telling me to see beyond the disguises. Too distracted - I ignored the guidance.
Patiently and ever gentle the guiding echoes encouraged me to look in the mirror. I wanted to look away or not look at all. I heard “they see what you cannot yet see.”
Mystified I looked down. Then I heard “will you be running away endlessly?” I knew I couldn’t run forever. I felt sick to my stomach and shiverish. I looked up and there I was.
A 4D mirror revealing my shadow and my spirit. I saw a giant lesion, rough edged, scarring, swelling, a distinct odor. I saw an old woman with secret longings, untamed emotions, screaming unspoken truths. Looking again there was also softness, tenderness, crying. Then all went mute and still. Enveloped by a sweet fragrance- I felt serene. My own heart caressed me. The soft touch of a giant rose petal holding me.
There was more to see given all the disguises I had believed were me. Only now because I had seen through the wound-- I welcomed the unexpected. I smiled as I thought - I look forward to the mystery in my life.
Echoes of the mirror said “ the future is right here and now.”