Someone back in 2013, asked me once, why I liked being sick so much.
I did not like the question, however, upon reflection there is some truth in that question.
Of course, I want to be in vital health all around - all the time!
On the other hand, I also realize that, as a child I received love when I was ill. It was one of the few times when I felt my parents were not hard on me and were more concerned about me than their arguments.
It is also more “ok” to ask for help in our society when we are ill. It seems it takes a load off judgments we may have around asking and allowing ourselves to receive help.
The other aspect of ailments is that it allows me to tap into the healer within. There is a healer in us all. Others’ can only help facilitate healing or transformation if we are ready and willing. Therefore, the facilitator of well-being in me, knows that some of the aches and sickness that have come up - have been for me to realize that I can heal myself.
I also know Louise Hay says pain in the body is self-punishment. I do not believe I have anything to punish myself for. I am much more forgiving of myself and others these days! However, it is interesting to consider. In the past, I would say self-punishment did hold true for me at a more subconscious level.
Ultimately, ailments tell me I need to give myself more attention. My love affair with myself continues as I listen to my body. If I can hear my body and heart moment by moment then I experience more well-being.
At times, I am hesitant to ask for love. Why? It seems selfish to want love. I would rather give it. Plus, my mind can still go into protective mode based on being “burned,” in the past. I certainly, have felt like I could handle things on my own at my strongest. I realize though that my ability to receive at my lowest is key to replenishing and not resisting goodness.
Resisting love does seem to manifest as illness eventually. And, when I do not hear my inner knowing - it seems to manifest in my body as well. I’m getting much better at staying healthy. Health is not just physical so the emotional and mental is integral in my goal to feeling my vitality and life force strong.
For some time, I had a closed heart and so I isolated. Isolating is rarely healthy. As I writer, I am aware of the potential to isolate. With the winter approaching and holidays I welcome the time to go within. Still, I am open to connecting as opportunities arise.
I’m glad my heart is no longer closed although I am protecting it as I am quite sensitive. In the past with a closed heart, when I did try to connect with others it was very hard to. I felt pretty self-absorbed trying to get my needs met. Now, I find myself more open and willing to connect more authentically however, I still can fall into being self-absorbed. I am working on being more present so I am more present to others’ as well. It is new to me as I integrate my being. I am also aware that relationships take time to develop as does building mutual trust. Trust is something huge and I will be writing on that soon.
For now, honesty and vulnerability is something I am doing more with myself.
As I continue my self-healing journey, I am finding the simplicity and length of healing to be as simple as a decision to receive love and to let go of judgments related to asking.
I much more prefer to give love, but, there are moments when I realize - I have to allow myself to RECEIVE LOVE.
To allow love in without judgment or resistance. Accepting what is offered is also very kind and generous.
Not just generous in giving but in receiving. I remind myself to give thanks for water, food, shelter and to be grateful for the simple things in life. Grateful for the big things too. Grateful for my body speaking up!
Gratitude for the love that is given by others. And to allow others to love me the way they know best. No criticism or judgment and then it turns into a win-win. It is not perfect, but, a good starting place to be grateful for what is.
Now, as ailments arise - I am checking with myself about the purpose for 'em. I am turning my own love and affection on all of me. It can seem selfish at times, but, well it is not. To expect others’ to understand may be unreasonable. I am no better or worse than anyone else.
I want and deserve love. I do not have to be sick to allow myself to ask for help or to ask for love in the form of support.
Love is what we are and love is always healing.
Have you asked yourself the ways in which you ask for love that maybe you had not thought of as asking?
Do you ask for help without judgments?
And can you graciously receive help- love?