Why is that?
The tragic consequences of the absence of love are pretty obvious in the world we live in.
We see homeless, hungry, mentally and emotionally unstable humans, violence on streets, etc.
Suffering abuse or trauma leaves us prone to self-destructive behaviors and/or violence against others.
Most of us have or will face some abuse or trauma that leave us feeling stripped of our humanity.
Specifically, trauma and abuse leave an internalized sense of shame that needs the presence of kindness.
If you have followed my blog since its inception you will know that I used to feel shame. What I know and understand now is that the invalidation of feelings and needs in my childhood along with trauma left me feeling ashamed for having needs. Parents and caregivers who are unable to face their own shame, transfer it and create shame-based generations of humans.
Compassion regenerates us.
Altruistic love is at the core of compassion. It is inherently part of what we are.
When we are too hard on ourselves, self-critical, self-hating, &/or judgmental our self-esteem tools will fails us.
No human can consistently offer us "serene acceptance," like we can.
It used to be so hard to offer myself acceptance for my deep anger when it was a part of my disowned shame. That is when others loving presence was a restorative experience. It reminded me that I too could do that for myself.
Self-compassion is the altruistic love that regenerates us. It is the vital presence that lessens harsh self-criticism, self-hate, and self-judgment when self-esteem falls short.
Self-esteem is over-rated in our society and often fails us.
1. Self-esteem fails us because it is not truly based on unconditional love. Few of us experienced unconditional love in our childhood because we live in an uncivilized world. An uncivilized world is violent, corrupt, and inhumane. A civilized world would be taking care of all sentient beings.
2. Self-esteem fails because the voice and image of shame have been internalized, disowned and therefore unhealed.
3. Self-esteem fails because it doesn't hold a balanced awareness of our experience without ignoring or exaggerating our pain and our strengths. This lack of mindfulness makes self-esteem miss the recognition of our common humanity by emphasizing 'me and my above we and ours.'
While our humanity can never really be taken from us. As humans we are challenged to remain compassionate and wise when we face the tragic consequences of lovelessness.
We all experience lovelessness during the course of our lives. The beauty of our humanity is to respond from our core altruistic nature when needed either for ourselves or our fellow brothers and sisters.
We are humanized by care, affection, kind presence and warm touch. Let us be kind to ourselves, so we can be that for others.
The strength of LOVE and it's absence is at the heart of humanity's healing.
Imagine replacing healthy self-esteem techniques with kind compassionate understanding when you are distressed. This is striking the core of any shame and trauma with human presence and warmth.
Can you identify or increase awareness of any voices and images of shame you've disowned that lurk from unresolved trauma or abuse?
Warm and kind waves of LOVE to all.