The environment is always offering me an opportunity to heal and love.
When I cannot appreciate that my environment is offering a healing opportunity, I continue to behave contrary to what I am.
If who I believe myself to be becomes more important than how I am being, then I cannot be accountable for how I behave.
I can only take responsibility for what I am able to see and have humility to admit.
What I cannot see, I cannot appreciate.
I cannot appreciate what my environment is offering me, when I do not recognize or know my triggers. These unappreciated triggers, are emotionally charged, so I cannot see them.
Unappreciated triggers are charged because they are unconscious or out of my conscious awareness. The more they are made conscious, the more they become lessons of love.
Emotional triggers point back to a moment we experienced fear and deep excruciating hurt.
Emotional triggers are those things that cause us to react intensely because they transport us back to a trauma.
In one work-setting I didn't immediately connect my severe nausea to the nature of my cases, so I quit the job shortly after starting. It was very hard to walk away from the mental health and social work profession I was so passionate about. I knew however, that I could not be effective for my clients when so much was being 'triggered' in me.
I walked away not knowing if I would return to the field, but, my sense was that deepening my own healing would benefit others whether I returned to the profession or not.
In my experience, trauma isn't limited to events that threaten our life or physical safety. The event itself isn't what qualifies it as traumatic. Anything that overwhelms us and leaves us feeling helpless and alone is trauma.
Trauma is a subjective experience.
No one is an expert of our internal experience but ourselves.
Instead, we are re-traumatized because we treat each other as objects to be improved upon, or illnesses that need to be secluded with little hope of becoming whole.
Nothing is whole unless we see it as whole.
To appreciate anything it, it has to felt to be seen.
Nothing heals until it is felt. We have to be brave to feel. The unconscious has to arise through bravery and interactions with others.
It is a journey that requires time. The world we share isn't concerned with supporting healing because it's focus is elsewhere. We are kept too busy to have the luxury of time to heal from deep wounds. So we recycle trauma.
Being the heart rebel that I am, it has meant giving myself "time" to do my inner work even when it seemed I did not have the luxury of it.
The external or "real world" says many things about what is acceptable and responsible. Time for healing is not a top priority for the real world.
I've had to ask myself if the real world or society has shown me it cares? If so, then I owe it respect by abiding by perceptions and judgments of what is acceptable and responsible. However, the real world shows me it doesn't really care, in fact it shows me h ow violent and inhumane it can be. That is why I chose to carve out time to heal more deeply.
I believe each of us owes it to ourselves to heal our trauma. And there are layers of it so in my experience it is a journey. Even if we reach total liberation there are challenges until the day we physically cease to exist.
While we may re-traumatize or recycle trauma, the good news is there is growing scientific evidence that rewiring our brain heals trauma. There are alternative modalities that rewire our frequency from fear to love so we are able to respond differently to triggers.
Who I imagined myself to be - I am not. Who I am, is not as important- as what I am. Where I imagined myself to be is not as important- as being.
Maybe as a human race we need to see 'trauma,' as lessons in love.
What we've been through isn't who we are. Who we are is an image that changes.
What we are is so much more than who we are!
Do you know the lessons of your trauma or your once unappreciated triggers?