Blame is making someone or something responsible for some behavior or feeling I am experiencing.
I learned to blame to avoid painful feelings of shame. I also learned to take the blame believing I had the power to cause others to feel some negative emotion and even to ruin good moments.
The purpose of blame is pregnant with choice.
Blame may serve no other purpose than to protect a part of us that is very scared, hurt and unseen, unheard and wounded.
So is blaming or being unable to take responsibility a choice?
Blaming can be a choice but when our wounding is deep our reactions are not so conscious or intentional. It takes energy to hold back our intense emotions and to be vulnerable and authentic.
Sometimes, we are shamed by those who judge a moment of terror or deep pain and dismiss wounding or trauma.
The old pattern of taking blame was ready to be seen in a newer light. The heaviness in my being was my cue to stop and breathe. I was caught in the grip of fear and behaved like a child who pouts and needs a time out. To the other, I was a woman needing to get over her trauma and simply too complicated to be understood.
It won't be easy the next time I am triggered, but I will have a choice because I have greater awareness. The choice will be to be compassionate to the little girl within who is needing my support and care.
She my little one does not have to have it all together or take blame because it is no longer loving to her or to the one avoiding responsibility.
What I can do is feel and connect to the old wound, recognize what is mine to own and forgive myself.
In relationships, both parties share in misunderstandings, conflicts, challenges and owning responsibility for what occurs both positive and negative.
When the ego grips, it is heavy. If I can have that awareness, then I can choose the lightness, let go of the small stuff, what is not mine as well as own anything that is mine with kindness.
When we do not have awareness, the pattern continues and we feel victimized, angry, depressed or lash out in rage. It perpetuates a cycle of unresolved wounding calling for us to listen to our inner child so he or she can be free to be playful and have fun.
Blame serves a purpose unique to each of us, yet, also traps us and keeps us stuck because our power is given to that which we hold responsible for our suffering, misery or misfortune.
Without awareness we are not free and empowered, we are blanketed by a heavy ocean of the past.
If we can be vulnerable with ourselves and find compassion within and around us in times when we behave in ways that surprise us, we can begin to see the past as a gift that reveals our humanity.
The past is a gift in the present if we can learn from it as it will lighten the future.
Do you know when or how you blame and how that behavior developed?
Can you have compassion for yourself and others caught in the grip of pain, fear or unresolved trauma?
Do you judge or shame yourself for having faults? Do you play the blame game or victim?
How do you feel in your body when you blame v. when you can choose to be in your skin and own a moment when you wish you could have behaved
Who or what will be left to blame when no one is around you?