Is pain intricately connected to love's experience?
What purpose can pain serve in love and in our lives?
It seemed for much of my life that love and pain were intricately connected. I didn't like pain and yet it seemed I was addicted to it.
I have learned that "pain" serves a noble purpose in our lives, it can be a loyal guide.
Pain gets our attention unless we become accustomed to it. Like anything else in life, we develop a relationship to pain.
Pain will cause not only sensations but feelings in us. Life flows through us and speaks to us through our feelings. The more I avoid pain, the less connected to myself I am or to my life force.
The more willing I am to experience whatever feelings arise, including pain, the more I feel alive. The more I relate to my life, the freer I am to enjoy it. Pain is noble in that it signals where we need to pay closer attention. Pain can empower us. Pain is not unkind unless we try to get rid of it without hearing what it has to say. It will intensify and return to get our attention.
Barely experiencing pain or marginal pain equates to a half-lived life.
A life lived in avoidance of pain is to deprive ourselves of love's intensity and bountiful wonder.
To live a full life is to live wholeheartedly and intensely the full spectrum from bliss and joy to sorrow and anguish.
Pain informs us and guides us.
Love of itself does not hurt.
It is our thinking, perception and actions that cause hurt. Others are just a stimulus of our hurt. Of course, there are times when we purposely choose to hurt.
The repeated experience of pain caused by the same persons is valuable information. I can choose who I allow to love me, hurt me, and what I will and won't allow.
Pain becomes my faithful guide but only if I relate to it. Otherwise, I will experience ignorant pain that keeps me stuck. I must listen to pain's message or guidance to make wise decisions.
Not relating to pain puts my heart in another's hands. Relating to pain puts my heart back in my hands.
I prolonged my pain and delayed lessons by not relating to my pain. Somehow, in my twisted thinking, I believed that the greater the pain, the more I loved. That kind of thinking made me addicted to 'pain for love's sake.'
To love wholeheartedly is to give all of ourselves without hesitation. To love uninhibitedly is to be free. Holding back does not spare us of greater pain. We merely deprive ourselves of deeper love.
If I had continued to suppress my emotional pain, I would have become ill and died of sorrow and neglect. Whatever illness I'd developed would have normalized my decay and perhaps invited nurturing or sympathy from others. However, I would have continued being a victim of life's unfairness.
True empowerment is to let it all out thereby 'living an uncensored life." Uncensoring ourselves means we do not live by partial truths or cooperate in delusional lies. The terms of our lives are not in fine print nor in clauses of deceit or idealized fantasies.
The real victory of life is to live wholeheartedly, to love as much as we can and to be willing to shed tears of grief because we have loved.
Love's disclosure is that as much as we love, so we shall grieve. To live well, we shall grieve well. To grieve well we must have a relationship with pain. We must be vulnerable in order to love.
What is your relationship to pain like?
Are you willing to grieve as much as you are willing to love?
Do you dare let go of living in the margins of pain- avoidance and step into the path of uninhibited love and full-disclosure pain?